WITHOUT BOARDERS (+ HUGS).

 

WITHOUT BOARDERS (+ HUGS).

I took the decision of going back because I was tired. Tired of being illegal, tired of trying to arrenge my permision, of gettin paid like shit or sometimes do not even get paid, tired of the labor exploitation where nobody care about the employees, but only money. Tired of missing my family and my friends back at home, is not that I did not have anybody there, I have made good friends, some of them could be considered as my family in that time, but unfortunally they could not help me, almost allo f them, where in the same conditions of illegality, soffering the same injustices, and with the same yearnings as me.

So I got my plane ticket sto come back just for my mams birthday, she as every year already had a pig  big enough to feed the whole family. When at home they got the news that I was coming back, the majority thought that I was taking the wrong decision, but inside of me, I knew I was not. My father the last time we called have told all the things that could happend to me when I cross the boarder, he knew that the boarder police were going to tell me something, and according to what he told me there were three options, first and more estreme one was to ended up in jail, the second was to get a fine, and the third one that they forbid me to enter into the country for five years. Inside of my, I was calm because according to my conscience  I had not done anything wrong during all this time to deserve to be locked up in prision; regarding to the option of the fine, I was returning with just enough money to take the shuttle bus form the airport to my town and to make a call for my relatives to pick me up, so it was imposible for me to pay them,  and much less in its currency; and finally the third option to be banned for five years was not a nice option but at the end it just represent not being able to come back to this reality that in this moment was making me wanting to  scape.

My last days, I did not work more because I wanted to have time to say goodbye to my friends, even the last night I stayed to sleep at the house of a friend that was living with his girlfriend,  because he offered me to take me in his car to the airport. After having dinner and a couple of beers, I slept in the couch of a house where the other rooms were ocupated by other immigrants. The day of my flight, we left the house at five o clock in the morning, I was still quite sleepy  that I did not have time to talk to my friend and also  to get nervous on the way. Once we arrived to the airport, he parked his car, we both went out and give ourselves a tight hug, still a bit sleepy  I only have the Energy to say – Thanks bro, see you  soon.- we separeted and some magnetic force make us hug each other again, this hug was more tight than the first one,you could say it was a good squeeze to the heart.

To go back home I had to take to flights, one local and the second and International one.  Since I did not have any luggage to document I went straight to the boarding area where I just had to show my ticket and they checked that the name was the same as the one in the pasport,  after a short wait  we began to board. After a couple of hours the plane landed, once I was on the second airport I started to get nervous, I knew I had to leave the terminal where I was to go to the International. I walked throught the corridors  witht he confidence that everything was going to be fine and even imagining that I would find a way to enter the new boarding gates avoiding  immigration controls, but unfortunally it was not like that.  Once I approached myself to the International gates, I was greeted by a hostile enviromente with dozens of  police officers seated in their desks, huge lines of desperate passengers, and some people in uniforms of the airport, with all the appeareance of being immigrants also,  who were telling which window people should go.

 

Seeing this escenary my heart started to beat more strongly, I began to sweat and I decided to turn back and go to the bathroom, I washed my face, and then I took seat and decidied to eat the sandwich that my friend’s girlfriend had made me, so If I ended up in prision, at least I would have something in my stomach. I had some time before having to board, but I knew that in some point I had to face reality to cross the boarding controls. I wait for more than an hour, trying to calm me, I said a couple of prayers, I thought a lot in what would be the birthday of my mother, to see the family, the friends, and tell them all the things that have happened to me during all this months, and this at the end make me brave enough to say, !ok, stop, just do it!

Took my backpack, walked until the end, still searching for a door or an option to avoid the main door, but without success, I had no choice but to ask a uniformed girl in which line should I go, obviusly wihtout saying anything about my condition and always trying to appear calm.  So i made the line which started moving kind of quickly, in that line there were people of all around the world, I heard different lenguages, all the people seemed stressed, i was not, only nervous, I looked up to see if one of the officers had a friendly face, but in those moments they all seemed bad guys.

-Go ahead- said the officer. I had the ticket and the pasport in my hands, when he asked for those, I noticed that my hands were shaking, he took the ticket and put it aside, and focused on the pasport. He saw it, then he saw me and with his fingers began to slowly pass the pages  of it, when he was halfway through he stopped to look at me again, I tried to smile back as much as I could.  Told me that I had entered the country almost a year ago, and asked me if I knew that as a tourist I only had three months, I stared at him and without saying anything I only moved my head trying that the movement was not a “yes” but a “I am listening to you”, the officer who was a young fella with a friendly face, told me to sit down because we need to talk. He left his desk and told one of the uniform guys to not pass anybody else for the moment. I had to admit that in that precise moment I was afraid, afraid of going to jail, of not arriving in time for my mams birthday, afraid of being involved in a  serious problem, but a voice inside  of me repeated “Everything will be fine, you have not done anything wrong” I just wanted to come back home, to hug my mother, say hi to my family; I was not doing anything wrong, but there reality seemed completly different. The officer with my pasport on his hand  went to talk with other officers, all armed and with very unfriendly  faces, after that, he came back with the red stamp for the pasport on his hands and sat down,  he began to speak again, he told me that the laws of his country were so strict, he asked me if I understood what could happend to me; I only moved my head with the same movement as before, a “yes” hidden behing “I m listening”, at the end he told me if I was conscius that for five years I was not allowed to come back to his country. In that moment, the soul came back to my body because deeply inside that was the option that I was wanting to hear,  it was there that I finally spoke to say sure of myself –“yes”, I knew this could happend- I expleined to him that I was trying to pay to get my permision but  I got scammed instead, and now I had to come back home. He looked at me with a very cold expression and told me, -ok this is like this, rules are rules. For five years you can not enter this country.-  his formal voice did not scared me anymore, and instead my mind  began to fly in a melancolic sky showing me images of all the good people that I had met during all those months, all the times people had helped me, all the laughs, the food, the beers and without noticing I was space out in silence in front of him until he interrupted me  -now you understand that  eveyrbody has the obbligation to respect the laws in this country.- I moved again my  head still seeing those memories falling down, and without any explanations my eyes filled with tears, and I do not know where, but I think form my heart,  I said some words  -excuse me officer, but can I give you a hug for all the people that I wont be able to hug these five years- he, already with the red stamp on his hand,  got surprised of what I just have said, and he took a pity on me and  approved my whish, he told me to be quick and to not make any scandal because there were the telecameras. I got close to him, he stood up and I gave him a quick hug, but while I was huging him I remembered that tight hug that I gave to my friend that morning before going into the airport.

I returned to my seat, and after taking a deep breathe I sat down again, he stared at me and slowly put down the stamp that had in his hand and told me – I am going to let you pass without putting you the red stamp. Go quickly before I regret it and plese do not over react, I repeat to you that there are cameras- I looked at him with my eyes full of tears, I got closer to collect my pasport and told him that he had to excuse me once again, but I was going to hug him one more time. I went throuhg him, and gave him a hug rapidly and before leaving I said in very low voice –Thanks bro- and without turning back, I continued my way back home where a plate of delicious food and lots of hugs were waiting for me.

 

...“No human being is illegal, specially when the lagality is inhuman”

  David Herrera el Gonzalez.

January  2023.